The Elephant's Child

What's Socially Acceptable for Women?

1815: You can be anything you want as long as it's a wife and mother... 

Alfred Edward Chalon, c 1815

1915: You can be anything you want as long as it's a wife and mother or schoolteacher or nurse, and not at the same time. . . 

One room schoolhouse, spinster teacher.

2015: You can be anything you want as long as it's not only a wife and a mother. . .

That looks fun for everyone.

 

We talk a big game today about how free modern women are to become anything they want, but watch what happens when a smart, promising, and talented college-aged woman declares that what she really wants to do is get married and have babies. (In fact, you can't watch what happens because most women who feel that way won't say it out loud, because it's an entirely unacceptable option, in almost every case.) 

If modern feminism was actually feminism it would celebrate all women who make free and unecumbered choices, those who work, those who work and have a family, those who have a family and choose to work at non-advancing or non-demanding or part-time jobs, and those who chose to not have a career, because it is a conscious choice, made by a free woman who has thoughtfully weighed her various interests, passions, and talents, and chosen what what she wants to do with her life.  

So my hat's off to women who don't "career" (if you'll permit me to use a current colloquial grammar-ism) and are "just a wife and mother." They are just as courageous as the first women to pursue graduate degrees, fly around the world, and explore Africa, because they are going against the grain of the greater culture around them in exactly the same way. 

 

Minimalism and Wealth.

Something I've been thinking about for quite a while: Poverty lies in the space between "I choose to" and "I must, because I have no choice." 

It's one thing to choose to shop at a local grocery, even though they're more expensive, because you have the wealth to do so. It's another thing entirely when you must do so, because you have no car. 

Another example. Wealthy option: cute handmade Christmas gifts because you choose to make them. Poor folk option: cute handmade Christmas gifts because you can't afford anything else. 

The Welfare Lady With The iPhone.

I used to laugh at this snarky card, but I no longer do. I've recently changed my thinking on this, and I'd invite you to consider doing the same.  

When we see someone paying for groceries with SNAP benefits (i.e. "food stamps") we really don't know what their situation is, do we?  We don't know

that they just lost their job two months ago

what it would cost them to break the cell phone contract they have (it's often cheaper to just keep the phone over paying the termination fee)

what phone or cable or internet they have canceled at home, knowing that that iPhone is their sole phone number for job-seeking and family contact

if their parents have agreed to cover the phone & contract in order to help out.

And, while it's true that many people who recieve government benefits for food do not spend it wisely (and it would be better if they did) we don't know

if this is the only time this month they've bought "junk food."

if someone is having a birthday or anniversary and needs or wants to splurge a little

if they have been given staples from their church or given meat by a friend, and are using the SNAP benefits for other less-basics & staples-type foods

if they have a child who needs to stay home alone while Mom works, and that's why Mom is buying 5 crappy frozen dinners or 3 frozen pizzas

if the children are getting teased as school because their lunches are lame or they take free hot lunches (when I was in school, the free lunches were a different color ticket, so everybody knew who was "poor" and kids got teased for it) and Mom wants to buy a treat for the kids

All of the above may be true. Or it may not. But we don't know, do we?

Saying Goodbye To Sugar.

Several weeks ago, I had a food reaction that lasted three days.  For three days, I felt like I'd been hit with a brick. Or like someone had drugged me with Benedryl.

It was awful. I couldn't think.  I could barely drag myself through each day. I couldn't put sentences together. 

The night before my reaction started, I'd had my gluten-free pancakes for supper.  Later that evening, MM and I had had a beer together.  I'd had a Leinie's Classic Amber.  

I haven't had either since. I'm too scared to! (The reaction I had was that bad.)

I decided to try giving up (most) carbohydrates to see if perhaps that was part of the problem. I figured that it may have been a gluten reaction to the beer, but I didn't have the aches and the skin reactions that I often get when I've been glutened.  Since I have thought for a while that I need to give up (most) carbohydrates if only because of a family history of diabetes, I thought this was a good excuse to give it a try. 

I did not go on a "diet." I did not count "carbs." I did not read any books.  I didn't purge every carbohydrate from my life. I did not give up the occasional beer (although I have stuck to dark ales, ones that have had the ingredients roasted before brewing, just in case.  No more pilsners or regular lagers for me.) 

I stopped eating desserts, for the most part.  But not completely. 

It's been easier than I would have thought. The first three days were hard. I had extra snacky things on hand, cheese and nuts, to help. The way to do this is by snowballing the time period you're sugarless.  First, "I'm going to go half a day."  Then, "I did it for half a day, bet I can go a full day." Then, "I've got one full day under my belt, why mess up a good streak? Bet I can do two days."  By the time you get past the third day, you're feeling so much better, it's easier to just keep on going. 

I eat a big salad most days, one that is very protien heavy, with eggs or cottage cheese on it.  I don't worry about supper; if it has rice, I eat rice, but try to just take a little less than I normally would. 

I don't count calories. I don't count fat.  At all.  A few times I've checked a day's food with a food logging program online, and I have eaten levels of fats that would make government minders chase me down and send me to food reeducation camps.  

I've made a concious effort to seek out enjoyable foods that aren't deserts. Cheese is my new "treat myself" food, for example.  

After a week "off sugar," you'll find you're craving it a bit less.  After two weeks off, you'll have something you used to eat all the time and you'll be surprised to discover that you can't taste it - all you can taste is the sugar.  You'll eat it, you'll feel like (sorry) crap, and you'll decide that it's really not worth feeling like garbage for half a day afterwards. 

Sometimes you'll decide that the dessert *is* worth it: a finely made cheesecake at a fancy bakery, an exquisite cupcake at a friend's baby shower, ice cream on Mother's Day. And you'll enjoy it all the more because you don't have such things frequently anymore. 

Like some have described rediscovering flavors of food when quitting smoking, you'll discover just how naturally sweet all sorts of foods are.  Whole milk, for example. There's a world of flavor out there, waiting to be discovered underneath the usual blanket of way-too-much-sugar we usually give things.  

In the next few days, my raspberries will be coming into season.  When I go grocery shopping tonight, I will be buying heavy cream for them. I'll be buying un-sweetened yogurt for them. I may even splurge and buy marscapone cheese for them.  I will probably make one gluten-free tart or cobbler with them, but I'll halve the amount of sugar the recipe calls for.  I'm looking forward to my raspberries. My mouth is watering just thinking of it. 

Since I gave up (most) carbohydrate, I have, for the first time in my adult life, begun to lose weight and continued to do so past the first week of a dietary change.  This despite my approach to fats as noted above. This despite my occasional beer or occasional rice consumption or occasional, carefully chose "dessert event."

It's not about fat. It's not even about calorie consumption. It's not about exercise (although that's definitely good for you anyway!) It's about the carbohydrates. What our grandmothers knew is true:  Sugar and starches make you fat, not good, wholesome food. 

Don't believe me?  Try this.  And this. And especially this.