The Elephant's Child

Profound Thought of the Day.

Declaring myself to be "stupid" because I had driven right past the Aldi, Sparkle Kitty had some commentary on my difficulties.

"Mommy, maybe if you'd been homeschooled, you wouldn't be so messed up."

Talk to the Hand.

Sparkle colored her fist with soap bath crayons earlier this week and called it Snake. Snake had a suspiciously girly voice and was kind of annoying, so we ran a nice warm bath and drowned him.

(Pajama wardrobe courtesty of Twirly Girl, at Wendy and her Lost Boys. Thanks for sharing!)

Sparkle's Christmas.

I asked Sparkle what she wants for Christmas this year.  Here's what she told me:

• I want a male cat and a female cat, and I want the female to have her uterus so we can have kittens.
• And a dart gun. 
• And a dog-suit that isn't a Dalmatian ("Because you're not a fireman, Mommy.")

I expressed doubt at adding more cats to the household.  Sparkle told me, "But we have to have babies! Newborn babies! Fresh out of the uterus!"

Yeah. She's really "sheltered" isn't she?

After more than four years, cats and kittens of every kind are still the hands-down favorite.  You'd think she'd tire of them; but no, she has upwards of a dozen stuffed kitties, all with bizarre names.  And she's always happy to add to the family.  Here are some of the current cats:

Hollow, Hollow Bucket, Stripey, Clap, Pray, Pizza, Pasta, Ask, Creamy, Darkie, Blackie and SnowVell.  And we've got Kneader, Moriah, Moriah-Micheal, and Pinkie. And Carmel. 

Hollow is the Top Cat. At the moment, Hollow is with Daddy on a business trip, so Stripey is standing in.  A few of the cats seem to have floating names; I figure they're in the peasant proletariat. 

I wonder if the cats are unionized?

For Christmas, Sparkle would love any and all things feline.  Littlest Pet Shop, play structures for the stuffed cats, cat beds, leashes, and collars.  Dress up clothes for the cats - most of her cats are the full-sized Ty Classic and the smaller Ty Beanie Babies. 

She also loves to make things.  Crafty stuff and real art supplies would be appreciated: felt, ribbon, yarn, paper, small collections of fabric samples, art supplies like better papers, good quality colored pencils.  If you give her glitter, I KEEEEEEELLLL you.  One thing we especially have need of is more poster paints and rigid boards to paint on. We could use some better-quality cake watercolors - please, not the kind sold as "school supplies," they're simply too frustrating to use - and heavy watercolor paper.

Her favorite color continues to be yellow.  She still loves Calvin and Hobbes and Garfield.  Books full of Calvin and Hobbes and Garfield comics, even if they were purchased used, would be a huge hit.

The dart gun she's talking about is the Nerf version, discovered at my friend Jane's house. Yes, I'll allow her to have a Nerf dart gun. She'd probably use it to shoot Max, the stuffed black kitty that acquired a wild-eyed crazy facial expression the last time he went through the wash. He looks seriously disturbed.

Mas is always the perp.  He's the one tying up the other cats and he's always the one for whom little prisons get built.  If the cats do unionize, I'm sure Max will be the union boss. 

Happy shopping, dear families....

Watching Emeril.

"Famous chefs can make delicious food from jokes!"

Developing Speed.

"Mommy, later on today I'll get back up to fifty-five miles per hour."

Theology Lesson

"Why won't it print? Why isn't it printing?" I said, frustrated.

"Mommy, God doesn't always give us what we want."

Children, a heritage of the Lord.

"It's ok, Mommy," Sparkle told me.  "I put the word of the Lord in it!"

"In what?" I said.

"In the booger I wiped on the back of your shirt!"

"Ewww! Gross!" I yelled.  "How did you put the word on the Lord in it?"  I hadn't felt her wipe anything on my shirt, but she sure could've done it without me noticing.

"I whispered it.  Don't worry!  It will make you more trusty in Jesus!"

(My Lutheran buddies will spot the development of a fine sacramental theology....   snort.)

The Tiger

Down in the basement, early in the day...

Me: "Put on some shoes!"

Tiger: "The tiger is getting ferocious! He (huh?) doesn't like wearing shoes! The tiger is going to whip you with his tail!  Whip! Whip! "

Later that morning....

Tiger: "I think it's time we turn the office into a tiger habitat.  First, there needs to be food someplace. Then there needs to be a stream, and lots of land for the tiger to prowl about, looking for the food.  And some trees, with green blankets over them for the leaves. And there should be a cave, too."

A thiry-minute session of cleaning up the office (in order to completely mess it up again with the "tiger habitat") commences. I submit, foolishly hoping that time spent in set-up will keep The Tiger busy for a couple of hours.

Tiger: "Mommy! Bring me up some dry cereal in a bowl and some milk! And remember to hide it so I can prowl around for it!""

Me:  I hide bowl and cup of milk alongside the TV cart. The Tiger finds it almost right away.

Tiger:  "Awwww, MAN!  Mommy, how about you hide the food in the tree?" (The tree is the toybox, covered with a flowered blanket.)

The tiger climbs into the tree to eat. Crunching is heard from under the blanket.

Tiger: "Mommy, tigers are very rare animals. Be careful not to lose this one."

Me: "So what are you going to do after you eat?"

Tiger: "Tiger things."

But I, experienced Sparkle-mommy that I am, I know what's coming.  The Tiger is going to finish "his" food, and then, just as I'm about to sit down and try to get something useful done, like cleaning the rat's nest of the tiger's bedroom or continuing my sewing binge, I'm going to hear:

Future Tiger: "Mommy, so what do tigers do all day, anyway"

UPDATE at 12:40pm.

Tiger: I don't know what to do as a Tiger.

A Day With Sparkle Kitty.

So far this morning, someone tried to "take a bath" in the bathroom sink, resulting in much water on the floor and a small head cemented with half of a bottle of shampoo.  Someone also "painted" the AquaDoodle mat by pouring out a bowl of water on it, stripping down and dancing in the puddles. Someone also pulled apart the piles of linens in the closet, then dragged a white blanket all over the basement floor.  We won't even speak of the dreadful hazard to life and limb that is someone's room.

It was 12:30pm when I wrote the paragraph above.  Despite my concerns that I might not survive the afternoon, I was able to distract that someone with some time on the Starfall website, which, paradoxically, did not result in sassy behaviour, the usual reaction to an even moderate consumption of media.

And what about me?  I hid in the basement, trying to get some sewing done, hoping someone would neither flood the house nor find me. 

I need a sabbatical.

This Morning.

Me: Good morning Sparkle.
Sparkle: Morning, Mommy.
Me: How are you?
Sparkle: Well, you won't see me much today, I've got other things to do.